Food and Body Image

Ever feel like your body just doesn’t belong to you?

You’ve spent years engaging in diet after diet, hoping that one day the “real you” would emerge in a smaller, more acceptable body that everyone would love. Hour after hour, you put in so much energy carefully controlling your portions, only to fall victim to emotionally eating all of the cookies in the package you just opened that you swore would last at least a week this time.

Your body feels out of control, rapidly gaining and losing the same number of pounds month after month.

“Why does this seem so easy for everyone else?”

You feel like a walking advertisement for lacking self-discipline and an immense amount of shame.

Everyone has an opinion…

… and they’re not shy about sharing it.

“You should pay more attention to your health.”

“Are you really going to eat that?”

And even though you enjoy working out, people doubt that you’ve ever exercised a day in your life.

Even your doctor assumes that all you eat is [insert stereotypical food based on race/ethnicity here].

Aubrey’s stomach turned in knots when she heard the question…

“Are you going to have the surgery your sister had?”

She knew the surgery her grandmother was talking about, but she didn’t answer right away. She needed to buy herself some time before the rage inside took over.

Aubrey had a history of chronic dieting. Any diet you can think of… she’d tried it. She had eliminated food groups, eaten “clean,” and sometimes skipped meals all day only to binge at night. She even tried using laxatives once or twice like her mom when she felt “too full” after eating “unhealthy foods.” And she exercised daily. Nothing worked.

Her family called her “gordita” (“chubby girl”) from a young age as a term of endearment, but nothing was endearing about it.

Now in college, she was always “the chubby girl” – the only fat one, really – and she was sure that losing weight would be the key to making friends, having a crush that finally liked her back, and fitting in where it seemed everyone was different from her.

She didn’t care that the women in her family tried to raise her to love her curves and embrace her genetics. She knew no one at school had “curves” – or wanted them. She was determined to have her rom-com makeover moment where she’d show up at school in the fall after months of dieting… and her life would finally change.

“There’s only so much cauliflower a girl can eat!!”

Aubrey couldn’t take it anymore. She was tired of eating cauliflower rice instead of the white rice she grew up on. And don’t even get me started on the zucchini noodles as a substitute for pasta. Say what?!

That night, Aubrey went to the store and picked up everything she loved but rarely let herself have. “I’ve earned this, she thought.” She had spent the day thinking and planning everything she would get to have that night, including a pizza she picked up on the way home. She could barely contain her excitement to reward herself for making it through such a stressful week. She’d get back on track first thing Monday morning.

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just stick to the plan? I’m so awful.”

Aubrey sat alone on her bedroom floor… wrappers and boxes all around her. The empty pizza box, Oreos, Goldfish crackers, and Ben & Jerry’s stared back in quiet judgment. She was beyond full and felt… numb. The brewing pain remained buried deep inside her as she slowly began picking up the evidence of her third binge this week. She glanced at the door to make sure it was locked. She always locked it before a binge, but it didn’t hurt to make sure no one would walk in on her secret shame.

Aubrey knew it was time to get some help.

She made an appointment at the counseling center at school, hoping to get her “emotional eating” under control to stop sabotaging her weight loss goals. She also wondered if she was struggling with depression.

Here’s how we worked together…

After attending all eight sessions offered by the counseling center, Aubrey’s counselor recommended she continue seeing someone. She was given a list of providers in the community.

She was intrigued to see this “Food & Body Image” page on my website. She saw value in my understanding of her experience as a Latina and first-generation college student. Hopeful that things could get better, she made an appointment.

Through our work together, we explored how body comments at an early age caused her to feel self-conscious about her body, especially since she attended predominantly white schools. She had never made the connection that her feeling like she didn’t belong went beyond her body size and shape.

Aubrey learned how the constant microaggressions she experienced growing up and then again in college affected her.

She realized that her emotional eating also resulted from not eating enough throughout the day. And it was a comfort in response to chronic stress and hypervigilance in classes where she was expected to fail.

Aubrey learned about “disordered eating” and benefited from weekly therapy that took a holistic and weight-neutral approach to her health.

For Aubrey, therapy wasn’t just about managing her symptoms. It was about getting to the root of where they came from.

Ready to get to the bottom of your food and body story?

You can make peace with food and your body, even if it feels impossible. There’s so much at the root to be uncovered.

Start your journey to honoring and respecting your body’s needs. Use the button below to set up your free consultation.