Internal Family Systems

No person is just one thing.

Internal Family Systems (also known as IFS) views each person as their own system of multiple ways of being and thinking.

IFS makes room for ALL of you.

You’ve heard of the concept of an “inner child,” right? Well, I believe we have several inner children. Hear me out.

Think back to being a child. What experiences stand out? How old were you during each of those experiences? Your four-year-old self needed something different than your eight-year-old self. And you, at age 13, faced different struggles than you at 17. Why should we only have to focus on one?

IFS lets you connect to the parts of you living in the past, giving them what they need so that you can live your life in the present.

“A part of me wants to… but another part feels like…”

We’ve all been there – trying to make a decision and feeling two or more ways about it that feel equally strong. It’s like they’re fighting for your attention!

And in the end, overwhelm kicks in, and you just numb out to reruns of Grey’s Anatomy and promise yourself you’ll think more about it tomorrow.

And what about different ways of being?

Picture this: You’re hanging out with your grandma, helping her put away groceries and talking about how your mom was when she was younger. Hours later, you’re with your friends at dinner, laugh-crying as the wild one of the bunch (Yes, the one you just thought of. Every friend group has one!) details her latest Tinder-date-gone-bad-gone-good-then-bad-again. Who you are with your girls is NOT the same person you are with your grandma.

And when you’re alone? That inner voice criticizes you and pushes you to be better while never thinking you’re good enough.

That’s a part of you, too.

Every thought, feeling, behavior, and body sensation…

With IFS, they’re all just different parts of you.

And each part of you has your best interest in mind, begging for your attention when it feels like things aren’t right.

I see parts as a way of being or a belief you adopted to survive your environment or circumstances at a given time.

We can see parts as “inner children” who do their best to protect you with the tools they have. And because they’re usually young, they don’t know there’s a new way of doing things that can serve you better.

Dahlia STILL wanted to lose weight.

And the shame she felt around this was HEAVY.

She was doing everything – listening to podcasts, reading the books… she even sought a Health at Every Size (HAES) therapist to work with.

She knew the science but couldn’t help feeling such a strong pull to go back to dieting. Every time she brought up wanting to lose weight, the mood changed, and it was clear this feeling wasn’t welcome.

Eventually, she stopped going.

Gabi wasn’t sure what to do with her relationship.

The two had been in a makeshift long-distance relationship for three years. They lived in the same state but far enough from each other that getting together took effort.

Gabi knew her partner could be everything she needed if her partner could finally get their act together. She was understanding and patient, but Gabi was running out of motivation to wait for things to change.

She wasn’t getting her needs met. She basically felt single most of the time.

Olivia didn’t have time to waste.

She was already halfway through four years of undergrad when she realized pre-med wasn’t for her.

It happened when she took a psychology course. She fell in love with a more profound understanding of the human experience.

But all her life, she had planned and prepared to pursue medicine. Her mother was a doctor. Her mother’s father was a doctor. Everyone expected her to follow in their footsteps.

Olivia didn’t know what to do or where to start.

With IFS, Olivia, Gabi, and Dahlia…

… explored all sides of their circumstances and the experiences and concerns of each of their parts.

Dahlia didn’t have to choose. She could give voice to both parts of her – the part that wanted to go back to dieting and the part that wanted to do things differently.

Gabi understood why she felt so conflicted about a relationship that clearly no longer met her needs.

And Olivia could give herself permission to be who she really wanted to be.

Let’s talk about how IFS can help YOU…

What parts are you carrying?

What are those parts saying to you… what do they need?

How can you gain insight into your present issues by exploring those parts?

Ready to get to know the different parts of you? Use the button below to set up your free consultation.